Vanilla Vomit
I used to like yogurts. That was until that fateful day I tried one
of
Muller's offerings. Now I'm too scared to go down the dairy aisle in my
local supermarket.The Complaint
RE: Vanilla
Flavour Muller light yoghurt
Dear Sir/Madam,
I recently purchased the above product and I felt I had to write to you to express discontent with this item. As a busy working man, I feel you can appreciate I only get one hour for my lunch. It was on Thursday that I decided to take the offending article with me to work, as I had realised I would be nowhere near a shop serving sandwiches.
My girlfriend duly packed my lunch, including the aforementioned article, into my bag. I set off for work at 6am and when I got there, I was looking forward to this item, as I have never before tried this variety of yoghurt.
At 12pm sharp, it was time to down tools and have my lunch. I was chatting away with my crew and various other persons whilst I consumed this yoghurt. I had to excuse myself from the group after finishing the yoghurt. I walked toward the portaloo, but unfortunately, your excessive vanilla content must have slowed me down. I was violently sick before I reached my destination. The yoghurt is generally the first item I consume, followed by the sandwiches, etc. Imagine my general disappointment when I couldn't look at the rest of my lunch. The sandwiches so perfectly prepared by my loving girlfriend. It was because of you, Muller, and your germanic ways of preparing a yoghurty-based substance. Vanilla is best suited for two things: Ice Cream and the occasional cake filling. It does not belong in a yoghurt-based snack. To say that it tasted nothing like Vanilla, would be an understatement.
I am, quite frankly, disappointed. I used to enjoy Muller yoghurts. Mainly for their variety. I just thought I would let you know, that you have lost a valuable customer.
To say that you made me ill is an understatement, to say that because of one rogue item on your books, rapidly loses you a valuable customer, is a fact.
I await your response.
Cogsy @ ST.
Dear Sir/Madam,
I recently purchased the above product and I felt I had to write to you to express discontent with this item. As a busy working man, I feel you can appreciate I only get one hour for my lunch. It was on Thursday that I decided to take the offending article with me to work, as I had realised I would be nowhere near a shop serving sandwiches.
My girlfriend duly packed my lunch, including the aforementioned article, into my bag. I set off for work at 6am and when I got there, I was looking forward to this item, as I have never before tried this variety of yoghurt.
At 12pm sharp, it was time to down tools and have my lunch. I was chatting away with my crew and various other persons whilst I consumed this yoghurt. I had to excuse myself from the group after finishing the yoghurt. I walked toward the portaloo, but unfortunately, your excessive vanilla content must have slowed me down. I was violently sick before I reached my destination. The yoghurt is generally the first item I consume, followed by the sandwiches, etc. Imagine my general disappointment when I couldn't look at the rest of my lunch. The sandwiches so perfectly prepared by my loving girlfriend. It was because of you, Muller, and your germanic ways of preparing a yoghurty-based substance. Vanilla is best suited for two things: Ice Cream and the occasional cake filling. It does not belong in a yoghurt-based snack. To say that it tasted nothing like Vanilla, would be an understatement.
I am, quite frankly, disappointed. I used to enjoy Muller yoghurts. Mainly for their variety. I just thought I would let you know, that you have lost a valuable customer.
To say that you made me ill is an understatement, to say that because of one rogue item on your books, rapidly loses you a valuable customer, is a fact.
I await your response.
Cogsy @ ST.
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Muller Response
RE: Vanilla
Flavour Muller light yoghurt
Dear Sir,
We were most concerned to learn of your complaint regarding one of our Vanilla Mullerlight Yoghurts.
May we stress that we were most most anxious to investigate this matter as it is to our advantage to monitor and maintain our usual high standard of product. However, unfortunately without having a sample of the product concerned, regrettably, therefore, we are unable to offer you an explanation as to the circumstances surrounding the complaint. May we stress that our Quality Assurance Department have been made aware of the details of the complaint and we greatly appreciate you bringing the matter to our attention.
We very much regret this incident and would like you to accept the enclosed reimbursement as a gesture of the Company's goodwill, and hope that you have no further cause to be dissatisfied with our products.
Yours faithfully
Miss C. Griffiths
What was their "enclosed reimbursement"? I'll tell you what... £8.00 of bloody yoghurt vouchers... They're taking the piss! What the hell am I supposed to do with them?
Dear Sir,
We were most concerned to learn of your complaint regarding one of our Vanilla Mullerlight Yoghurts.
May we stress that we were most most anxious to investigate this matter as it is to our advantage to monitor and maintain our usual high standard of product. However, unfortunately without having a sample of the product concerned, regrettably, therefore, we are unable to offer you an explanation as to the circumstances surrounding the complaint. May we stress that our Quality Assurance Department have been made aware of the details of the complaint and we greatly appreciate you bringing the matter to our attention.
We very much regret this incident and would like you to accept the enclosed reimbursement as a gesture of the Company's goodwill, and hope that you have no further cause to be dissatisfied with our products.
Yours faithfully
Miss C. Griffiths
What was their "enclosed reimbursement"? I'll tell you what... £8.00 of bloody yoghurt vouchers... They're taking the piss! What the hell am I supposed to do with them?
Our Response
RE: Vanilla
Flavour Muller light yoghurt
Dear Miss. C. Griffiths,
I am in receipt of your letter dated 5 August 2005. I can only apologise for not replying sooner. This is mainly due to the fact my days since the backfiring yoghurt incident have been troubled. I cannot walk down the chilled section of the supermarket, without feeling nauseous. My girlfriend has to abandon me at the top of the aisle, much to the amusement of the delicatessen counter staff.
I was fairly traumatised by the whole incident, as you can only imagine, but to compensate me you sent me vouchers to purchase more yoghurt. Are you trying to kill me, or are you being facetious?
On a more serious note, my loving girlfriend hasn't purchased a yoghurt of any description since this. I also have reformed my lunch routine to compensate my severe distaste for yoghurt snacks.
I haven't received a response from your Quality Assurance Department regarding this matter. It would bring some comfort to me that there are no future incidents of this kind brought about by inputting an ice cream flavouring into a lunchtime snack.
If you would like to reconsider your offer, as I currently have no requirement to purchase yoghurt from your company.
I await your reply.
Cogsy @ ST.
Dear Miss. C. Griffiths,
I am in receipt of your letter dated 5 August 2005. I can only apologise for not replying sooner. This is mainly due to the fact my days since the backfiring yoghurt incident have been troubled. I cannot walk down the chilled section of the supermarket, without feeling nauseous. My girlfriend has to abandon me at the top of the aisle, much to the amusement of the delicatessen counter staff.
I was fairly traumatised by the whole incident, as you can only imagine, but to compensate me you sent me vouchers to purchase more yoghurt. Are you trying to kill me, or are you being facetious?
On a more serious note, my loving girlfriend hasn't purchased a yoghurt of any description since this. I also have reformed my lunch routine to compensate my severe distaste for yoghurt snacks.
I haven't received a response from your Quality Assurance Department regarding this matter. It would bring some comfort to me that there are no future incidents of this kind brought about by inputting an ice cream flavouring into a lunchtime snack.
If you would like to reconsider your offer, as I currently have no requirement to purchase yoghurt from your company.
I await your reply.
Cogsy @ ST.
Muller Response
RE: Vanilla
Flavour Muller light yoghurt
Dear Sir,
Further to your letter, regarding our previous correspondence, may we sincerely apologise if any of our comments offended you in any way. May we stress that the vouchers sent to you were, as stated, purely a token gesture and we apologise for any misunderstanding that they may have caused.
Regarding your complaint, as previously stated unfortunately it is difficult for us to offer an explanation as there is no product available to examine and without coding details relating to the batch it is extremely difficult to trace production records. We can only assure you that on average 8 million pots of Mullerlight are produced weekly and we have had no other reports of this nature.
May we assure you that we take these matters extremely seriously. It is the objective of the Company to maintain the best relationship with our customers and we are sorry to have disappointed you on this occasion.
We fully appreciate your comments and would like you to further accept the enclosed reimbursement, with the hope that one day your confidence in our products may be restored.
Yours faithfully
Miss. M. Gater
Customer Relations Department
Dear Sir,
Further to your letter, regarding our previous correspondence, may we sincerely apologise if any of our comments offended you in any way. May we stress that the vouchers sent to you were, as stated, purely a token gesture and we apologise for any misunderstanding that they may have caused.
Regarding your complaint, as previously stated unfortunately it is difficult for us to offer an explanation as there is no product available to examine and without coding details relating to the batch it is extremely difficult to trace production records. We can only assure you that on average 8 million pots of Mullerlight are produced weekly and we have had no other reports of this nature.
May we assure you that we take these matters extremely seriously. It is the objective of the Company to maintain the best relationship with our customers and we are sorry to have disappointed you on this occasion.
We fully appreciate your comments and would like you to further accept the enclosed reimbursement, with the hope that one day your confidence in our products may be restored.
Yours faithfully
Miss. M. Gater
Customer Relations Department
A cheque for the princely
sum of £10, so that's a total of £18.00 from a 45p yoghurt.
An incredible mark-up of £17.55, well done Muller!
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