An Open Letter to Sir Jimmy Savile

We all know Sir Jim, don't we? With his famous noises and the ever-present cigar. Well, we thought we'd write the original "King of Bling" a letter. No reason, it's just some of our thoughts.

Dear Jim,
We all know how much good work you do for the NHS and specific hospitals, as well as your other charitable efforts over the past eighty years. Just because you gave a hospital several items of significant value, doesn't make you the Director General of the NHS. Far from it, in fact.

You've had a quadruple heart bypass, that may have been several years ago. You wasted several hours of valuable NHS time, to stay alive and continually boost your own ego. Think of all those people stuck in wards awaiting surgery, who couldn't have it because you were too busy thinking of yourself. Isn't that just a little bit selfish?

You were quoted as saying, "It was just a bit of fun" in regard to that matter, again only thinking of yourself. You do NOT run the NHS, you're not medically qualified. Your FRCR title, doesn't automatically grant you medical status. My girlfriend probably knows more about medical treatments than you.

I've seen the small notice on your property in Glencoe, which reads:

"No TV, No Video, No expensive stereo. So don't even think of breaking in."

Your house there is pretty obvious when approaching northbound on that road, it's a nice house, the scenery is standard. I've only seen you once at this house. I used my horn when I was passing you at the roadside, what did you do? You waved at me in a cheery manner. I was using the horn to move you onto the grass verge, as you were standing in the road. I didn't want to decorate the front of my car with a cigar and a retro style garish shell suit. Next time, you might not be so fortunate. . . with other drivers.

Am I writing this letter to you because I bear a grudge against you? When you didn't read out my letter on 'Jim'll Fix it'? Possibly. What's difficult about letting an eight year-old fly a fighter plane? A simulator would have done, you could have blindfolded me and led me to a top secret location. No, you decided to let little Amy from Huddersfield ride a pony. There is no justice.

You do realise you are a potential weapon. We all saw the adverts telling people not to go near bonfires with shell suits on. You decide to wear a luminescent, multi-coloured shell suit whilst smoking a cigar. Don't you realise that is an obvious fire hazard? Keith Flint wrote a song about you.

So, Jim, I must draw this letter to a close now. Before I do, however, there is one small thing that remains outstanding. I think you know what that is.

Cogsy @ ST

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