Yes, apparently anyone appearing in a "soap" these days is classed as a sex icon or famous. That excludes Gail Platt, who falls into neither of those categories. The woman doesn't have a chin for christ sake. Just because you're young and averagely good looking, doesn't mean to say people like you. You can act too? What a bonus, here have a job on a national soap. It hasn't done Pam St. Clement any good, why do you think you're different?

Ok, I only typed that header in and I can guarantee that one name crops into your head. It wouldn't happen to be:


would it?  The only thing that Big Brother is famous for is taking irritating people from society and locking them up in a house for several weeks whilst monitoring their every move. I'm sure there are Social Workers up and down the country glad to get rid of their "special cases" for a few weeks. All thanks to Channel 4.
If Ms. Goody and co. aren't a good enough reason to think that you're famous, they give them a slot on tv as well, once they're out of the "house." On shows like T4 for example. Does anyone watch that drivel? No, just put them back in the house, and this time, don't tell us what they're up to. Nobody cares about them.

Richard and Judy (or as they are referred to in my house "Punch & Judy") , Paul O'Grady, Tim Wonnacott, and practically everyone who appears on a DIY or a "lets-look-at-a-new-house-we-are-thinking-about-buying" genre of shit daytime TV. I implore you to try and watch this drivel (unless you have a job to go to) and laugh at all the cheap gags and very poor quality programming. This is how the unemployed live. By watching some berk going to several houses and commenting on how nice they are and possibly ending up buying it. It's absolute shite-time tv at it's best.

Hands up who can remember the scandal of Richard Bacon being sacked from Blue Peter for being an "occasional drug user" or when they had an elephant in the studio and it crapped on the floor. They are told, presumably, to smile a lot and be politically correct at all times. Not smoke or drink copious amounts of alcohol and get caught coming out of Stringfellows looking slightly shifty.

The bearers of bad news nationwide. They usually appear at around six o'clock to remind you how shit life is. Famine, drought, flooding, another murder... the list is endless. They are the frontline of the TV set, they have to have the finger on the button. It's even funnier when their autocue breaks down and they have to read the lines from their script, which they haven't learned. It's extremely funny as you watch them bumble their way through an item reading from the paper.

As for weather people. Not wanting to be politically incorrect, but if I honestly want to know what the weather is like, I'll look out the fucking window. I don't need you to tell me. That and the fact that you never get it right.

Why should the world's most irritating person get a category named after herself? I think the answer is in there somewhere. You'll just have to look for it. When I heard of a programme called 'The Simple Life' and realised that her and Lionel Ritchie's daughter were the stars, I thought the title was pretty apt. I watched one episode, one single, solitary episode, and realised it was a huge bag of monkey testicles.

Just because you're the heiress to a hotel chain, doesn't mean that you are in any way attractive to the opposite sex. I despise you Ms. Hilton, for I find you hideously ugly. The fact that you managed to graduate from school, whilst appearing to be completely moronic is beyond belief and back again.

I've spoken to a few people and they have all said the same thing; "I wish Paris Hilton would just fuck off and die." Never has a truer word been said.

Will you kindly do just that? It'd be nice.