Recently someone went through the bother of filling in the feedback form and actually hitting the send button. Congratulations Bilbo Baggins, it was you. Although I always thought you were a hobbit from Lord of the Rings. It just goes to show that even hobbits know how to use a computer.

Here is what Bilbo had to say:

I would like very much like to see an article aimed at exposing Paul O Grady as the "Purveyor of shit television" that he so clearly is.

Well, I can't exactly fault the views of a hobbit, can I? Apart from the fact that it's derogatory, it's also unfair.

So, I got my thinking cap on and endured an hour's worth of crap, unfunny, and mind numbing bile that filled my television set between five and six pm. Why? I did it for you, and this was purely done in an effort to make you switch off the television and do something far more constructive.

I am led to believe that Mr O'Grady, or "that bastard O'Grady" as he is affectionately known in this household, was banned from the ITV studios and they ripped up his contract as he was only appealing to one generation, the 50+ and generally female market. ITV for once in all your pathetic years of programming, I salute you, but only a little one, as I fear that a long salutation may well expand your craniums. I don't want that to happen.

When I heard this little gem of news, I was delighted. Why? It meant that I didn't have to hear that irritating bloody scouse twang five nights a week. I mean, 'Blankety Blank' was bad enough, and those were the days when that bastard O'Grady had an alcohol and nicotine problem. Then when I heard ITV had ripped up his contract and banned him from their studios, I was uncontrollable. Only to have my daytime schedule shafted by the folks at Channel Four, who gave that bastard O'Grady a new contract and a new show. Temporarily booting old Dick 'n Judy off their perch.

Anyway, I hadn't given it much thought until Bilbo sent me that e-mail and it reminded me of my sheer frustration. Now, being a hard working kinda guy, I didn't think I'd be able to research the show. So, that fateful morn I set my video to record this hours worth of utter piss. The tape has since been burned, I don't want to think about the consequences were going to be like.

To start with, the theme music is pretty similar to the ITV version. In a word, it's fucking awful. I mean, anything more cheesy and non-descript of the programme's content would fall under the category of 'Noel's House Party'. I was about to stop the video and vomit, right there and then, but I thought "No, I must carry on." Then that bastard O'Grady minces onto the stage to a round of applause from a mis-directed coach party of (mainly) female geriatrics. He sat at his big desk and introduced us to 'Buster' his pet dog, who looked about as interested in the proceedings as myself. Buster actually disappeared after the first camera change. Whether he had wandered off due to abject boredom, I don't know.

Then that bastard O'Grady reads some light hearted letters from "viewers." Mainly along the lines of (insert dodgy scouse accent) "It's my mam's birthday today, and she'd be dead chuffed if you'd say happy birthday to her. Happy Birthday, love. Sending you a noddin' busta." Incidentally, Nodding Busters have hit eBay, some reaching about £40. Then he proceeds to have a conversation with "Bert" (although his name may be different, I was lapsing in and out of consciousness at this point.) We don't actually see "Bert" so presumably he's a figure of that bastard O'Grady's mind.

He then introduces his first guest. To name and shame them on here would be terrible, as no doubt this site gets more hits than O'Grady gets in viewers. That and the fact I can't remember. Guests usually appear on daytime tv to promote a book/film they've just launched or to re-launch their own flagging careers. The first guest was on to do the former.

Seriously, do I have to carry on this review? It's boring me to tears and there's no get out button.

The whole programme was filled with unfunny jokes and risque comments from that bastard O'Grady and a disappearing dog. That whole hour of my life has been wasted. That's something I can't get back. I'd advise you to take an extra hour coming home tonight, and getting in just after this drivel has finished.